I was on the edge of Whole30 for close to two years before I actually committed to all the rules for 30+ days required. I needed to know the entire program inside and out, read all the books and understand every instruction, acronym and ingredient completely.
Looking back I was so damn hard on myself.
I had to believe in the Whole30 before fully investing into what I saw as a confining restrictive box at the time. I also knew I had to do an elimination protocol per Doctors orders. Full with fear and anxiety of what my future would look like my time was up.
LET’S BACK IT UP
Adding some color to my Whole30 story, as JT says… let me paint this picture for you, baby….
How’s about we start with some introductions.
I’m Dawn or Dawn Marie if my family’s around and I’m looking 50 right in the eye. A Gretchen Rubin questioner with heavy side of rebel tendencies. A Taurus, Enneagram 7, ENFP-T, type A, year of the pig, pita constitution, natural born explorer that struggles with perfectionism, anger, defensiveness and conformity.
So nice to meet cha!
My health hit a wall midlife back in 2015 that started with chronic sinusitis and asthma. Like for two years straight, in the sick ‘loop’ over and over again. Back to back ongoing infections, two nasal polyp surgeries, sprays, back to back rounds of antibiotics, constant steroids, allergy pills and inhalers galore on the repeat. I lost my sense of smell completely. Not even a burning tortilla on a gas stove.
This wasn’t my ‘normal’ either. My usual was seasonal allergies here and there and one big sick that would go around the office. Then I’d raise the white flag, go in to see the doc and get the trifecta; antibiotics, a steroid blast and breathing treatment. I’d be better in a week or so just like everyone else. I’d had a run with asthma back in my early 20’s when we moved to a new town but that was about it. Nothing out of the ‘scope’.
Something was horribly wrong though and I knew it. Something BIG. My system couldn’t keep up.
Ultimately, through the waterfall of treatment plans I was diagnosed with an immune deficiency called hypogammaglobulinemia. My world as I knew was no more.
In a nutshell, this is an immune deficiency of the white blood cells that are called IGG’s. They’re our first line of defense with airborne invaders and they deal directly with our respiratory system. An autoimmune scenario is when the body turns on itself, in this situation my immune system wasn’t/isn’t producing enough IGG’s to keep me safe from infections. Ultimately, the best treatment I responded to was subcutaneous plasma infusions I give myself weekly to ‘fill the gap’ that my body didn’t produce called Cuvitru.
THE SHIFT
I kept going back to the question over and over again that I asked all of my specialists (Allergy/Immunology/Pulmonology & ENT), what can I do to help myself?
The ONE THING they all said was to “eat a non inflammatory diet” and I began to run with it.
I didn’t care about weight loss then and I don’t now. Losing 10 pounds wasn’t even on my radar anymore. More emphasis on the non inflammatory less on the diet. I was sick and I needed help. I was scared absolutely shitless. What is going on? Why now? Why me? My main focus is and will always be how I can STAY WELL, how can I take care of myself so I see the next 50 years on my own terms.
I dove head first into what non inflammatory ‘diets’ were. I was attracted to ancestral heath. The paleo approach, ketogenic, eating predominantly plant based made sense to me. Eating whole foods in their natural form, good quality fats and animal proteins. Steering clear of processed foods. Understanding labels and ingredients. Going back to what we ate as nomads vs the commercialized convenience culture we’re in.
Sure, we hear about all of this. We ‘know’ were supposed to eat all the things. Be mindful, move, drink the water. Many moons ago I even studied holistic health and got a practitioner certification. Did I apply any of it? It’s funny how the universe will feed you breadcrumbs over and over again. I’m finally listening.
FINDING THE ROOTS
In true questioner form, I’ve read several books. I always start with patterns. What’s the baseline? What does each author/expert have in common? What do they all agree on? I started with food, it’s the bridge to health.
The foundation was laid by what I saw emerging; clearing the big 3 categories for systemic inflammation; gluten, dairy and processed/refined sugar. Getting them off my plate, most of the time-ish.
I began to shift my pantry staples. Googling “paleo” before any recipe I had in mind. I’m the cook in the house and I needed to learn how to use these natural products and ditch the AP flour, cane sugar and dairy products.
Dawn Loves Food was born to keep myself motivated to keep the change exciting and to log all of the recipes that have developed.
Enlisting additional help to navigate the gauntlet of where to go further I added a Naturopath and a Functional MD to my team. There’s so much mixed information out there, I didn’t have time to guess, to throw random information together on my own wasn’t working fast enough. Supplements are expensive, what’s the best to use? The pro’s were needed.
Blood, saliva and stool tests. Metabolic tests, IV vitamin therapies. Acupuncture, cupping, formulated teas, soul cycle, yoga….podcast after podcast, books, TED talks, I was throwing everything I could think of at my situation.
If I could avoid it, my goal was to be off of the plasma.
Seeing those medical bills, thousands of dollars per treatment, only added to my stress to my already high anxiety levels. I was in a constant state of panic to keep my job. What in the hell would I do without insurance? Buried in what if’s.
I was faced with doing a very strict elimination protocol. Needed to get my body to really calm down first by removing ALL triggers, at once. Then reintroducing systematically and managing with bloodwork and follow ups based on flares or what needed more attention.
All of the logic was there but my mind wasn’t. Now I realize, the rebel in me was so dominant I couldn’t stick to anything for a long period of time. Not even a week. All of the programs like Auto Immune Paleo, Whals Protocol, Bulletproof, Keto etc were all more about the food. The Whole30 stuck out to me though, it was different. Much more than an ‘eat this not that’ approach.
GO TIME
Whole30 has a solid track record, community, attention to habits, relationships, resources galore, most of all it isn’t a diet. It’s built on changing lifestyle for long term, sustainable health. The more I stuck around the more intrigued I was, I had to do this.
I was hell bent on completing it all correctly, one W30 and done. Oh hello perfectionist darling, there you are.
I wasn’t into all the accountability talk either, I would do this on my own so I didn’t have any prying or judgy eyes if I decided not to continue. I’ll do what I want when I want thank you very much. Coaching smotching. Tough love? Oh hell to the no.
I’ve been cooking to Whole30 recommendations since 2017, I didn’t do my First round until September of 2019.
I’d had several times in between that I was going to though. Every time I would look at our calendar and there would be events, vacations, social activities that would interrupt the plans. A few times I got such bad anxiety around it I’d back off and push it further even down the line. Let’s just stick to cooking like this at home, we’ll deal with the rest later.
Being honest, the biggest issue holding me back was partying. Drinking is a big part of our social life and it’s been my go to my entire adult life to cope, sooth, numb, relax and take the edge off. It was automatic. I don’t know a weekend as an adult where I haven’t had at least one. It’s just part of the scenery. I enjoy it, it’s routine. It’s comfortable. A good glass of a fruit bomby Paso Robles old vine zin and a mid rare bacon wrapped filet is my love language.
Not having a single sip for 30+ days was unimaginable. Pure torture. To get me to where I needed to be, I slowly and methodically reduced my drinking in the years prior. Completely abstaining was something I struggled with that went so damn deep. Like DNA deep within me. I now see that this was more mental conditioning vs physical addiction.
I had pushed myself up against a wall. This had to be done to help myself. How many years am I going to stay in this spin cycle? I have to commit. At a standstill with my Functional Doc, he could only do so much. Time to meet him halfway and actually do the work that he recommended.
SURRENDER
I finally began to apply the recommendations of the Whole30 program. I picked a day and I told my husband, family and close friends I’d be doing an experiment for 30 days and I’d be completely sober during that time. They’ve been witness to my changes over the years. They all knew due to my health situation, my quest to help myself, I needed to try this. My man decided to join me. It was the support I needed. I was finally ready.
I knew how to cook W30, I had all the books for reference, I had the awesome coaches in the Fabulous over 50 group on Facebook as well. Most of all I had myself. I had somewhere in the lessons learned finally got that this isn’t about deprivation or restriction. It’s about abundance.
This is about FREEDOM.
TURN IT AROUND
Now, being on the other side of three rounds, working with some great coaches, a Food Freedom course and the Who Quits Healthy community things are quite different. I realize most of the roadblocks I had were my irrational thoughts, negative self talk, lack of knowledge, limiting beliefs and inherited family patterns. All developed while living in complete panic and defensive survival mode since childhood.
Desperate and living out of the lens of fear. I trusted no one, myself included. I’d been living here long before my diagnosis ever happened. My symptoms and tipping point to illness was the biggest red alert, defcon 1 emergency that my immune system could muster. My body and mind could not sustain the mental or physical condition I was in.
I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t tuning IN. Being raw and exposed isn’t something I’ve ever been comfortable with, even if I am only peeling my own layers within myself. Sure, I’m happy to listen and help friends but turn the questions on to me? Not so much.
NON SCALE VICTORIES
This list has developed over time spent in the Whole30 lifestyle process. It didn’t all happen within the 30 day experiment. The education around the program has been monumental in how I now approach my health. It’s been a pivotal gateway.
I trust myself and my choices wholeheartedly.
Practicing self care, developing routine, nurturing a like minded community, moving, hydrating, the feminine, the masculine, consciousness, I’m here for it all.
- No more hot flashes
- I smell everything
- I’m more patient
- Handle stress better
- Communicate my feelings rationally
- Eat to satiety
- Tuned in on my own inflammation markers
- I understand cravings
- Think more clearly and listen
- Alcohol is elective, not required
I’m here for the long haul. Doing the inventory and keeping what is working and adapting new lessons. I’m not stagnant, I’m forever learning. No more all or nothing, black or white thinking. There’s comfort in the grey area and embracing an imperfect, wild and unruly life.
I live WELL WITH an immune deficiency, at least the diagnosis of it. I am not defined by it. My dose of plasma has gradually been reduced and I’ve been constantly advocating for my treatment plan. I’m now at a point that my immunologist sees the level of commitment I have to myself and I’m in talks to eliminate the infusions completely. No sprays, no antihistamines, no prescription meds.
I truly believe we can help heal ourselves. At the very least improve our symptoms and situation greatly. We’re so much more capable than we think we are. I’m healthier now in my late 40’s than I’ve ever been.
I am Whole30 🙂